Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize