today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
