I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I had to cum in my sink.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize