Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
