I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
