haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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