apparently the secret to your success is patron
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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