last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
