you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
