Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
