hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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