There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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