I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
