I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
