DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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