i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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