I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
