It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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