she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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