There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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