so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
