I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
