let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
