Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
