My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize