She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
