Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
