true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I have already put on my inside pants.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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