Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Operation Purity has been aborted
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
