Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
