I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
