Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
