It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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