You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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