I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
