WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
