dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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