Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Randomize
