for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
