So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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