She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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