My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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