some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
