Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
