So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
