How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
