i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
