It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
