Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize