dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
