He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
