you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Randomize
