sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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