I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Vodka?
Forever.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
