Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
