The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize