Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
