Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
