I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
