they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I think your dad took our porno
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
