I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
