I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
