They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
