My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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