I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
