why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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