Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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