So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
