she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
