so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
