My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize